I'll get over it.
In the end, all I do is ask myself whether I am so used to a certain kind of pain that I hardly feel like crying anymore, or whether I simply deny myself that, because it isn't worth it anyway.
A loss is a loss.
There is nothing that can fill the void.
No tear will ever soften it.
Only life and energy can.
But not erase it, quiet it.
What angers me most is this stupid assumption we all make.
Tomorrow.
We keep putting off things that could make us feel good to build other things we don't even know whether we'll live to see.
And I'm the first to do it.
But every time I lose someone I realize how stupid this is, even if it is inevitable.
It is this conflict that drives me crazy.
I don't want to give up my goals, but neither do I want to give up the chance to fall in love, feel good, spend time with my friends, relax, live my life.
I only have this one, and I don't even know for how long.
Several weeks ago I had a date with a guy I really like a lot; I was excited, happy.
Leaving the office, with my earphones in, I crossed the street as usual, but the traffic light malfunctioned, giving both pedestrians and cars a green light, and nearly got me run over by a truck.
If he hadn't braked in time, I would have died on the spot.
It didn't happen, and things never happen by chance.
I realized that I had done the right thing and, although I already knew it, that life is a moment and it is worth playing every card you have if you care about something, even if you don't know why you care.
When he had disappeared I had two choices: get pissed off and retreat into my pride, or try.
And for the first time in my life, I left the door open.
It was a strange feeling because despite everything… air was coming through!
Because that is what an open door does, isn't it?
A draft.
It lets energies flow.
And like the wind of a winter storm, he came back into my life that evening.
When I nearly died under a truck.
But it didn't happen.
It was not his destiny to spend months agonizing over what could possibly have happened to me.
It was not my destiny to disappear that way.
Perhaps it was the destiny of both of us to have the chance to get to know each other.
I don't know whether that will ever happen, but I know that at least I tried.
Because I cared.
Truly.
To you who are reading this and who love her, flush your pride, your paranoia, your difficulties down the toilet, and simply lower your defenses and win her back.
To you who will certainly never read this, on the other hand, and who made a pass at me a few days ago despite having a wife and children, find your happiness again.
You only have one life, but it betrays you only if you put it on hold.
Because like a capricious lover, it demands to be lived entirely in a single moment.
Now I don't know whether I will manage not to neglect anything, but I know for certain that I am trying to follow that air, to follow that wind, that draft.