I don't know what kind of childhood you had, but I grew up at the movies.
My father wasn't a man who knew how to deal with a little girl, so, not knowing what to do with me on the days we were supposed to spend together, he would take me either to the amusement park or to the movies.
But a whole day at the amusement park cost too much twice a week, so he almost always preferred the movie theater.
There, in fact, he could sleep without being disturbed too much, and I could watch the film I had chosen over and over until the usher sent us away because they were closing.
So for years, Saturday and Sunday were my favorite days.
I loved the movies!
If I concentrate, I can still smell the bagged popcorn and the dust of the little red seats I would sink into because my feet couldn't even reach the floor.
And so, thanks to those movies I watched more or less 96 days a year, I began living in a world where, in my own mind, I would often speak in the third person about what was happening to me because, like any good film worth its salt, the film of my life certainly couldn't do without a voice-over.
“See? I'm the only one who has the big picture! That's what they call genius!”
(Basta che funzioni – Woody Allen - 2009)
I adored Bud Spencer and Terence Hill, and I don't know how many times I watched and rewatched “Io sto con gli ippopotami”. I think I had him take me throughout its entire theatrical run.
My other great passion was the films of Celentano and Pozzetto!
“Lui è peggio di me”, which even had them on screen together, was my absolute favorite film, and I think I wore out my seat for that one too.
But my father's favorites were romantic films.
No fistfights on screen or loud laughter in the theater that might wake him.
And so, thanks to the most cynical and couldn't-care-less of men, I grew up to be the last of the romantics.
Casablanca, Il Dottor Zivago, Love Story, Via col Vento, Vacanze Romane, Ufficiale gentiluomo, Pretty Woman, Dirty dancing, Harry ti presento Sally.
While my mother was at home shouting the anthem “Burn men at the stake!!!”, I grew up with the idea that the only possible love in life was romantic love.
And let's be honest, come on, isn't that ultimately a load of bullshit?
All films give themselves away on this point.
Even the ones that admit romantic love is just a Hollywood invention.
In “The mirror has two faces” - “L’amore ha due facce” with Barbara Streisand and Jeff Bridge, she gives an amazing lecture in a university classroom precisely about romantic love.
At one point she says, “True love has a spiritual dimension, whereas romantic love is nothing but lies, illusion, a modern myth, soulless manipulation. And speaking of manipulation, when we go to the movies, we see lovers kissing on screen, the music swells, and we swallow it, right? And so when my boyfriend takes me home and gives me a goodnight kiss, if I don't hear the Philharmonic, I dump him! Now the question is: why do we swallow it?”
Well, this film too, like every psalm, ends in glory.
Even “Is just not that into you”, il problema è che non gli piaci abbastanza”, after taking the piss out of women for more than two hours, describing their deepest flaws and weaknesses in minute detail, gives them one final piss-take!
Alex goes back to Gigi!
But when has that ever happened??? Only in the movies!
If we could really have seen what happened next, Alex would have gotten tired of Gigi after a week, because Gigi is a fat, anxiety-inducing hypochondriac who needs to manage other people's lives to feel in control of her own, and she would have found her Alex in bed with the smoking-hot blonde he'd been doing a lot more than playing PlayStation with for years.
But instead, after two hours of putting women down, “we swallow” the idea that even losers can be “the exception”.
And so we fall in love with the idea that one day a Richard Gere will come along for us too, carry us out of the factory in his arms to marry us and give us a better life, or climb a fire escape for us despite his fear of heights just to say I love you.
In each of these films (and note that 90% of these screenwriters are male), there's a man who acts like an asshole of the highest order, and then, miraculously, his image is rehabilitated at the last minute.
Why? Because he comes back to swear eternal love!
He comes back to say “I'm sorry” or “I'll save you”.
“Nobody puts Baby in a corner” (Dirty Dancing)
“And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible!” (Harry ti presento Sally)
“Sure, yes, yes, that's right, the thing is…you're right, I got so used to keeping a safe distance from all women, to having power…that I no longer knew what it felt like when you really fall in love with one of them…I didn't know…”. (“Is just not that into you”,)
Nothing more and nothing less than the parable of the prodigal son.
I don't know what to say.
I've pulled plenty of Hollywood stunts in my love life, faithful to that romantic love I would have liked to experience, but I've never found a man at my door, either to apologize or to swear eternal love.
And yet I know that many of them have never stopped thinking about me.
But in real life that isn't enough.
In real life you settle, you don't expose yourself to risk or change.
And yet I can't do it; knowing that I could have someone who loves me by my side isn't enough.
I want the bells, I want the Philharmonic in my stomach every time I meet his eyes, I want that magical feeling that leaves you dazed every time you think about it, I want that overwhelming passion, I want that inexplicable intimacy even though, really, it's only the first time.
Men over thirty no longer know how to recognize this passion; men under thirty don't have the courage to live it.
I'm torn.
Part of me waits for that elusive man to come back and knock on her door, while the other part knows.
It will simply happen.
What is meant to happen will happen.
“No expectations, no bells, no doves or closing credits.[…]
Because the right person isn't the one who turns your life upside down, even if that's easier to believe.
But the one who doesn't change it at all.
They simply become part of it, little by little, until they become its main ingredient.
And you theirs.
Sure, it sounds less romantic.
But I don't dislike the idea at all.” (quoting myself)
“That's why I can never say it enough: whatever love you can give or receive, whatever happiness you can steal or provide, whatever temporary bestowal of grace: whatever works. And don't fool yourselves. It doesn't depend on your human ingenuity at all; more than you care to admit, luck is what governs you.” (Basta che funzioni – Woody Allen )